I’ve enjoyed every age I’ve been and each has had its own individual merit. Every laugh line, every scar, is a badge I wear to show I’ve been present, the inner rings of my personal tree trunk that I display proudly for all to see. Nowadays, I don’t want a “perfect” face and body; I want to wear the life I’ve lived. Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength.
Today is the six month anniversary of my father’s sudden demise and I still can’t believe he’s no longer with us. I know we all die, but losing a parent is one of the most difficult things in the world. I’m learning it’s not as easy as people make it seem to be. It doesn’t matter how old you or your parents are when they die, their passing is one of the most difficult things in the world to deal with.
So does it get any easier six months on? Not really. Not for me. I had a couple of good months where I felt the pain was easing a bit. Most significantly, hindi ko na madalas naiisip si Papa as often as the dead man lying on the hospital bed. That was one of the most difficult and devastating phase.
But just because I might not be grieving as intensely now as I were right after the loss, doesn’t mean that the days get any easier…I miss my father every single day!
To My Beloved Papa
If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane. I’d walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.
Pa, I am deeply sorry nga wala na matuman ang akong saad nimo nga mo uli karong bulana kauban unta si Gillian. I can imagine kung unsa kadako ang imong kalipay kung natuman pa unta kini. Pero wala naman ka, so hangtud nalang ko sa pag imagine ug pag dumdum nimo.
Ika lima ka bulan na karong adlawa nga wala naka aning kalibutana. You know, my tears flow often with the pain of missing you! I wish time could be rewound to bring you back again!