Ang tukso daw ay hindi maaring lumayo, bagkus lalapit at lalapit ito sa atin. Napatunayan ko ito sa sarili ko mismo mga kanguso. Pilit ko mang ilagan ay layuan ang tuksong kumakaway sa akin…ito’y palagi kong hindi nalusutan. Oo isa akong marupok na tao. Pero sino ba ang hindi? Hindi niyo pa ba naranasan ang mga sandaling nanghihina ka at para kang hinihila patungo doon sa tinititigan mo? Kasalanan bang maglalaway sa nagsisarapang pagkain dito sa atin? HEHEHEHE, naisahan ko na naman kayo ano? Hindi tukso sa luto nang Lord ang tinutukoy ko dito kundi luto na mula sa kusina.

Sa tinagal-tagal ko sa Alemanya, natural lamang na gusto ko ulit matikman ang mga pagkaing Pilipino. Katulad ng Inihaw na Buntot ng Bariles (Tuna tail), Kinilaw na Malasuge, Ginataang Alimango, Sweet and Sour or steamed Lapu-lapu at iba pa. Haay naku, kong hindi ka ba naman maloloka dito sa katitikim at kakakain. Hindi lang main course ang nakakabaliw mga kanguso kundi pati na ang mga desserts dito. Like Halo-Halo Special, Fruit Salad, Buko Pandan, Ube Cake, Buchi, Maja Blanca, Fried Banana with syrup at marami pang iba.

Oh my, I am so makasalanan talaga kaya ang kinalabasan ko ngayon ay super Butete na. Ang dati kong bulging tummy ay hindi na nagbabulge dahil bumilog na ito na husto. Para baga akong nakalunok nang kong ilang Melon. Kaya ako naging suki nang mga Malls dito lately dahil iniikot ko ang buong Davao para lang makahanap nang XXXL na pantalon or “American size” as the salesladies call it. The other day nga, naghanap ako nang strapless na bra. The promo girl of Triumph has given me Cup B, but I asked for a bigger one. Hindi dahil lumaki ang boobs ko kundi ang bra ay hindi ko maisara. I told her to give me the largest size which is Cup DD. Bwahahaha, she was so surprised and she even told me na masyado daw itong malaki sa akin dahil double D na nga. Sabi ko sa kanya na okay lang dahil Pilipino size lang naman at hindi German. She looked so puzzled so I explained to her na sa Germany, ang bra na size DD ay pwede niya nang gawing sombrero. Well anyway, batay sa aking mga kinikuwento ngayon sa inyo I am sure ini-imagine niyo na kong gaano ako kataba.

To make the long story a bit shorter, ang Ate, Tita o Lola Beng niyo ang naging uber Dabiana na nang dahil sa kasibaan, katakawan at kong ano-ano pang terms na pwedeng gamitin para sa mga katulad ko na mahilig lumafang. A friend in Belgium asked me through SMS kong ano daw ang mga latest gimmick ko ngayon? Well, since maulan lately, we have no outdoor activities at the moment. And to tell you frankly, I’m a bit bored kaya I decided na magparegister sa isang gym. Take note: Ang ulan at ang aking pagka overweight ang nagtulak sa akin papuntang Holiday Spa. Bukod sa spa, meron din silang gym with the latest equipments, at nag start na kami ni Kathleen last Tuesday. Balak kong araw-arawin ang punta doon until end of this month. Araw-araw but of course iba’t ibang program ang ginagawa namin each day. I hope by that time, medyo may shape na ako para mas lalong maakit sa akin ang aking mahal na asawa (hehehe).

Year 2001 pala nung ako’y huling nakapasok sa isang gym, kaya you can imagine kong gaano ka tindi ang muscle pains na meron ako ngayon. But I am ready to take the pains rather than manatiling kasing bilog nang isang balyena. Ilang beses na akong nagtangkang magdiet noon pero dahil nga masiba, wala ding nangyari. Itong gym ang kahuli-hulihan kong pag-asa and I think pinaka-effective na paraan para medyo pumayat. Ngayon ay talagang tutuhanin ko na ito! Go Go Go Milo! Go for olympic energy, go Milo Milo Milooo.

Every now and then, may iba’t-ibang mga tao o grupo ang namamalimos sa amin. Minsan may grupong nanghaharana kunyari and after wards may iaabot silang papel where it is written na sila kuno ay kasali sa isang charity group. I gave them some few Pesos one time dahil gusto kong makatulong kahit papaano. Just after a week, they came back and want to have some donation again. I refused this time, dahil medyo nagduda na ako sa kanilang pakulo. There are also times na may mga batang nanghihingi ng leftovers o “lamaw” (as we call it in Bisaya) para daw ipapakain sa kanilang baboy. After several times of giving them our leftovers, a bit later…hindi lang ito ang hinihingi nila kundi pati pagkain na rin. Dahil nga naman nakakaawa, pinagbigyan ko. Naging ganun na lagi ang nangyayari tuwing dumadaan sila dito sa amin. I became annoyed dahil nakita kong namihasa na sila. Kaya nung huli ko silang binigyan, I told them that this will be the last time I am giving them food. Hindi sa pandadamot, pero ayokong makasanayan nang mga bata na lagi nalang manghingi. Gusto ko lang na magkaroon sila nang kaunting hiya para sa kanilang sarili as well as dignity. Well anyway, that is what I told them…but I am not sure kong naintindihan nila ang ipinaliwanag ko sa kanila.

Yesterday around past 10:00 A.M, my nephew was playing with Gillian outside our terrace as I heard someone begging for some money (I was in the kitchen that time). My nephew said that he can’t help him and urged him to leave. Few minutes later, I peeped out the window to see if he’s gone. He was still there and I figured out that the voice I heard belongs to a very old man. Who looks so fragile and walking slowly with his self-made walking stick. My heart wrenched as I watched him.

Imagine, an old sickly man walking under the heat of the sun. Begging for some money in order to survive. And I am in my shady, comfortable house. This is where my guilt started. I ran fast to the gate, I called him and waved him to come back. I went to the kitchen, took a plastic bag and put one loaf of bread and a pack of Tocino (cured meat) in it. I also took some cash from my wallet and gave it to the old man. He looked at me and said twice “salamat sa Diyos” (thanks God), then he left.

I did not know that Kathleen was already awake and was watching us the whole time. Sinalubong niya ako sa pinto and asked me bakit ko yon ginawa? She was just wondering because I once told her na ayaw ko nang mamigay sakaling may mamalimos ulit sa amin. I explained to her na iba ang sitwasyong ito dahil matandang nakakaawa ang nanghingi ng tulong. There is always an exemption, I said. I also told her na what if ako yong tao? Isang matandang uugod-ugod, may sakit at wala ni isang kamag-anak or walang kamag-anak na tumutulong. Gutom na naglalakad sa init para magpalimos para may makain. Kaya mo ba akong talikuran at tikisin? Kaya ba nang budhi mong hindi pansinin ang tindi nang aking pangangailangan? There were tears in her eyes as she answered me NO.

A little help from us means big help to those who are in need. Yon nga lang, you have to choose whom you give because there are also abusers and pretenders among them.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us.

Lelet a non-blogger, newly met friend (internet) of mine left this as comment on my other site. I thought of publishing this here on Lukaret because I find her message really encouraging. And I also would like to share this to some friends in real life na ‘medyo’ nagulat or puzzled sa aking pagbabago.

Hello Beng,
I’m Glad to met you here..the other side of you. parang abot kamay ko lang ang Germany thru reading your site though parang nasa Butuan din ako…hihihi…Though I don’t know you much but for sure buotan ka day thru what i read in this pages. What more can I say…ayu-ayo din ha!

May this encourage you:

If there are people in your life that continually disappoint you, break promises, and stomp on your dreams, too judgmental, have different values and don’t have your back during difficult times…that is not a friend. Sometimes in life as you grow, your friends will either grow or go.

Remember what your elders used to say, “Birds of the same feather flock together.” If you’re an eagle, don’t hang around with chickens: Chickens Can’t Fly!

Take care always
lelet

Now let me relate a bit…

Sometimes in life as you grow, your friends will either grow or go.

There is truth in every word you have in here. I can relate dahil nadaanan ko ito. I grow and changed for the better and some friends are left behind dahil naging magkaiba na ang values namin sa buhay. To me values are those things that really matter to each of us … the ideas and beliefs we hold as special. Caring for others, for example, is a value; so is the freedom to express our opinions.

Speaking of “Freedom to express our opinions.” I would like to share some words of wisdom to some friends (again) who have trouble with accepting critic or opinion. I believe, that a constructive critic is made in order to help a person to become himself or herself into a better person, or, say, to become his or her work into a better one. And I know that criticism, however constructive, can be hard to take. Nonetheless, it’s imperative that you take it well, and even with grace and style. It’s about how you can improve on something, make some thing better. You must understand and accept this if you are to listen to what others have to say with an open mind and heart.

So here we go…
Honesty is a prerequisite to a friendship. There must be a willingness to speak the truth, and a willingness to hear the truth. Friends who do not care enough to confront may save themselves a little awkwardness in the present but will end up losing their friendships in the future.

And as the saying goes…
Remember what your elders used to say, “Birds of the same feather flock together.”

Individuals of like character, taste, or background (tend to stay together). Or People of the same (usually, unscrupulous) character associate with one another, as do birds of the same species. The birds will resort unto their like, so will truth return unto them that practise in her.

I love this part very much!
If you’re an eagle, don’t hang around with chickens. Chickens Can’t Fly!
Hehehe, ganun ba yon? Though, chicken can fly din di ba? Hindi nga lang ganun kataas sa lipad ng agila.

This part actually belongs to the quote Lelet left on my comment box, hindi niya lang ito idinagdag. I found it somewhere else.
Over the years my phone book has changed because I changed for the better. At first you think you’re going to be alone, but after a while new people show up in your life that make your life so much sweeter and easier to endure.

AND IT IS SO TRUE!

WORDS TO PONDER…

• The Race
  How do you compete in a race someone else has put you in?
  If you don’t know the rules, how will you ever win?
  Your opponents are often ruthless when the finish line’s in sight.
  But just because they’re winning, it doesn’t mean they’re right!
  If you win by lies and cheating, should the trophy go to you?
  And what about the pain you’ve put others through?
  If someone trips on your deception, do you help them to their feet?
  Or do you pull out taking the lead, fueled by your deceit?
  Will all your bended truths put sharp turns in others way?
  And when you give your victory speech, just what will you say?
  I don’t know if I can read the false expressions on your face.
  But I don’t think it’s winning that counts, it’s how you ran the race.

  by: By ZackG Foley

• What Do You See
  What do you see when you look at me?
  Do you see my smiles?
  Do you see the laughter?
  Do you see all the happiness?
  Or do you see past the front to what really lies beneath?
  Do you see the walls I put up to keep them out?
  Do you see all the tears that stained my face?
  Do you see the fears that I try to hide?
  Do you see the scars inside of me?
  Those scars that wont let me free
  Those scars that run deep inside
  Those scars that mar my very soul
  Those scars I try so hard to hide
  So do you see the truth in me or just the truth I want you to see?

  by: Kyle Kellerhouse

• Take A Look Around
  Take a look around you
  Is it everything you dreamed?
  Is it what you always wanted?
  Is it even what you need?

  Look at your life and how you live it
  Did it turn out as you liked?
  Or are you a perfect stranger
  Living someone else’s life?

  Do you see yourself as others do?
  Or do you look inside?
  Cause if you go by looks alone
  Shallowness may be your only guide

  Next time you look into the mirror
  Look past everything you see
  Look deep inside at who you are
  And who you want to be

  by: Courtney A. Holts

a girl like me loves me for who i am
a girl like me loves people for who they are
a girl like me loves people not for what i see
a girl like me loves for what i know
a girl like me cant understand why people hate
a girl like me cant understand why people love
a girl like me is curious to the world
a girl like me is curious to know what happens after life
a girl like me just lives in the moment
a girl like me never knows where life will take me
a girl like me gets confused and lost
a girl like me wonders if life was ment for me
a girl like me is just a girl lost in the world
looking for her place in the world

by: kayla leblanc

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