I hate watching myself in the mirror lately because I only see the Beng version of Miss Piggy. Several snapshots that were taken during my birthday party has proven that I gained several kilos again. Shit! I envy those women who could eat what they like and hardly gain extra pounds.

I had been once a diet slave before I got pregnant with my youngest. I was like a fashion model in ways of eating manner, who avoided to eat food containing carbohydrates and fat and sugar. Salad with white meat and brown bread was the only food I eat. Later, I have even tested how far I can go. I was weighing 43 kilos already, but I still had the feeling I’m fat so I aimed to weigh 40 kilos. I end up vomiting the food I have just eaten, most specially during parties. Well, I think the reason is very obvious, huh?

One time, my friend Ann and me went swimming with our kids. The four of us took the big dressing room for us to change our clothings. As I was undressing myself, Ann gasped and said: Oh my god Beng, have you seen yourself lately in the mirror? You are all bones! She was right, when I was at home I stand naked infront of a life size mirror and saw a skeleton. My rib cage, shoulder bones, collar bones and hip bones wing showing. I was never aware of that the whole time because I was only using the bathroom mirror where I can only see my face. It was Ann who opened my eyes and my mind to stop the madness. I recovered and gained weight…from 41 to 45 kilos. Fourty five kilos pa rin ako ng makilala ko ang aking asawa and until I got pregnant with Gillian.

The image you see on the left was taken five years ago. And the one on the right is just two weeks old.

I’m now fourty four (44) and overweight…don’t ask me how many kilos because I’m afraid to step on our weighing scale. Today, I am well determined to start having diet again but in a moderate way. It is very difficult to get motivated since I already accepted I’m aging. Pero kailangan kong gawin kong ayaw kong magiging si Dabiana. It’s a very hard work and I still have a long long way to go. Now I’m on it…all I need is a portion of self decipline.

Temporarily no homemade Padesal for breakfast.

I celebrated my 44th birthday last Saturday, March 11, 2006. That was the longest and the most unforgettable birthday party I ever had in my life. I said the longest because we already started celebrating on Friday and it officially ended on Sunday. Let me tell you the whole story…

Si Cheh na galing Munich ang pinakaunang dumating sa aking mga invited guests. She arrived on Thursday in Düsseldorf Hauptbahnhof main train station, and I picked her up from there. Kasama niya ang kanyang poging binatang si Seb. This is the first time we ever met kaya 4:30 a.m na ng umaga ng kami ay natulog. We were both so excited and we had so many things to tell to each other kaya hindi namin namalayan na umaga na pala.

(more…)

Oh my God!

The backend of my site was very messy indeed, thus I decided to tidy it up yesterday evening. I would like to ask an apology to those who visited at the time where I temporarily switched my site into off modus.

I had been using Wordpress as platform over a year now. Several updates were made. Plugins over plugins were installed, deactivated and deleted. And this is where the mess started. I was not aware until lately that when I for example deactivated a certain plugin, it does not automatically delete the datas being stored in my database. So last night, I sorted out datas no longer in use and brought back everything in its place.

Another mess I would like to mention is regarding the Wordpress Theme competition. I mentioned in my previous post that my submitted themes are qualified. I saw all three on the list last Saturday, March 4, 2006. I even put the link of the competition site so you can start downloading the available themes. That’s what I thought, ’til Dana informed me that the site is gone. Weird isn’t it? I visited there the next day, this time the owner made an announcement and it says:

Very regret to announced that this competition blog website had been hacked. I have no backup for all this data and not sure if the server admin did have a backup on it or not. I am very sorry for this incident.

The prizes will still be the same and i will upload once again all the submitted themes on by one from now. This may takes quite some time, please be patient.

The result for this competition will still be announce don the 10th March 2006.

To the sponsors who had agreed to sponsor for this prize, i wont put all the blame on your if u retrieve from sponsoring the prizes because of this incident. We will sponsor the prizes ourself. Luckily we did prepare on it.

Anyone have any idea on how to get back all the deleted post ? Once again, i am very sorry on what had happened. I will try to get back the deleted post if possible. I guess today will be the worst day of my life after i’ve hardly organising this competition for over a month period.

Participants and people who were following this issue were so upset about this incident. Some are getting suspicious and others even wrote a hateful comments. You can go visit “Wordpress Theme Design Competition” if ever you like to witness the whole mess.

I’m disappointed of course and I’ll be more disappointed if it would come out that the whole action was a hoax. And that the person who orgnaized the competition duped us all. In the meantime, I’ll just wait and drink my coffee and hope for the good. Oh by the way, while we were all raising our eyebrows, a guy named Kineda revived the Wordpress 2.0 Theme Competition last March 6. He already has two participants on his list. One of theme is Phu Ly - a great designer from UK and Kineda is even using one of her theme on his competition site. I lost my interest participating this time. My mood is currently at the bottom.

Yuhooo! I am so proud to tell you guys that the three Wordpress themes I submitted for the competition are all qualified. The winners will be announced on March 10, 2006. There are fifteen (15) listed for download so far, so Wordpress users…go HERE to download themes you fancy.

Post updated: March 5, 2006 @ 11:58
Sorry to inform you that KCYAP, the competition and download site is currently under construction (thank you Dana for informing me). I’m currently working on a download page for my created themes. So please check back later if you are interested.

Post updated: March 5, 2006 @ 13:40
New download page for all released Wordpress Themes of mine HERE!

Sites using my themes from the competition.
Jedi Blogs
Defenestrate.Org
Dawn Isaac

Whatelse Happened?

I’m back home and busy preparing for the coming big event on Saturday. Girls, please bring with you your party mood, have a pleasant and safety trip and leave your diet plans at home. Our motto will be “EAT ‘TIL YOU DROP”. Please pray na huwag naman sanang maulit ang snowstorm kahapon. See photos below.

Around 20 minutes later…the street was fully covered with snow. Nearly whole Germany was in chaos.

Cheh a dear friend of mine tagged me last January 24. Sorry misis kong ngayon ko lang ito natupad. Well, alam mo na ang dahilan kong bakit. It’s all about 10 ramdom facts about myself, I made it different by writing 10 hard facts about me. Some of you might have known me a bit already and might even find me nice and sweet (ngehehe) but surely not my bad side. Mas mabuti din naman kong malaman niyo ito di ba? Para walang surprises later on. So guys, take note.

I am a smoker.
Yes I am and I know what some of you might say about it. I started smoking since 1996. That was the time where I was experiencing the ugly side of life. Cigarette was my companion during the countless sleepless nights, when I felt the world was tumbling down and when I felt so helpless (drama). I already smoke before but only occasionally, this time…talagang tutuhanan na. Hanggang naging chain smoker na ngang tuluyan. Today, I can consume one pack of Marlboro Silver (it’s the lightest among the light cigarettes). I stopped once when I was pregnant with my boy. And I started smoking again year 2004. I could have stop for good, pero super weak ako when it comes to sigarilyo. My hubby smokes cigar and pipe, so how can I resist when I see someone is puffing infront of me. Weak argument huh?

Stubborn me.
I remember when my mother and father told me often times before that I am stubborn. Kahit ngayon nga na matanda na ako sinasabi pa rin nila yan. Matigas ang ulo at laging nasusunod ang gusto…a spoiled brat indeed. As the eldest, I savoured all their attention and care, sunod pati layaw. Aba eh kasalanan ko ba na gawin nila akong spoiled. I was very difficult at my teenage. Lagi nga akong pinagsabihan ng mama ko noon na mararanasan ko raw ang nararanasan nila sa akin when I have my own family. Which is true. Now that I’m turning 44 (next week yan), stubborn pa rin pero sa tamang timing na at paraan. Kumbaga may style na ito para hindi masyadong halata sa madla.

Maluho
Siguro naman hindi ako nag-iisa dito. Most women love luxury. And why not if we can afford it. I remember one time when a german friend of mine asked why almost all of my things are signature items? Is it really necessary to spend hundreds of Euro for a bag? She said. I simply answered her: “No offence, but you have to see the big difference between us. You live to work and I work to live. You might not understand my point but that’s how I enjoy life. Got me?”

Germans are famous of their being so “thrifty”. They spend what they earned very wisely…kaya kahit trabahador sa pabrika dito ay nakakayanang magpatayo ng bahay, mula sa kanilang natipid. Pero kong tutuusin parehong luho din yan eh. Ang kaibahan nga lang…may value pa rin ang luho niya after several years. At ang akin ay ni isang centavo ay wala na.

Ambisyosa
Noon pa man ambisyosa na ako. Ang ibang mga kakilala ko noon sa Pilipinas kapag medyo galit sa akin ay nagbubulungan tungkol dito. What’s wrong when you have ambitions in life? It is simply just a way of motivating oneself di ba?

Realistic
I am just being practical and I regard things as they are.

Obsessive
I am obsessive about things that interest me and that I care about. I never give and so I keep on trying. If I fail. So I try again til I succeed.

A Fighter
I never give up and I never run away from any problems or challenges in life. And I always fight for my right.

Coffee And Computer AddictForgetful

Lousy Blog Author

P.S

I would like to invite you to visit Pinoy Expats and read the article about “Rising From The Ashes“.

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