Why On Earth?

Minsan, hindi ko maintindihan ang ibang tao…

May isang Pilipina na halos araw araw tumawag sa akin…nag-iiyak, magulo ang isip at humihingi ng payo kong ano daw ang kanyang dapat gawin. I’m blogging this not because it is my intension to embarrass the concerned person but because I am furious towards her reaction and decision. She started calling me before Christmas…kahabag-habag siyang pakinggan ng ikuwento niya sa akin ang takbo ng kanyang marital life. She told me that she has been beaten by her husband often times…but the last incident was worser than before. Her husband slapped her, kicked her and banged her head on the wall. I adviced her to see a doctor immediately and that she should ask for a medical certificate. And from there, she should go to the police station and report the said incident. Ito ang ipinayo ko sa kanya dahil siya na rin ang nagsabi na hindi na daw niya kaya ang sitwasyon kaya gusto niya ng makipaghiwalay. Lalong-lalo na at pinagtangkaang gahasain ng kanyang asawa ang kanyang anak na pitong taong gulang (her husband is not the biological father of her daughter). God in heaven…dapat niya talagang layuan ang taong ito bago may masamang mangyari sa bata.

She semed hesitant of doing her plans at first, she was worrying about where to live and how they survive because she has no permanent job. I fully understand her worries, so I reassured her and promised that I’ll arrange everything and that she has nothing to worry because she will get a full support from the goverment. After our phone conversation, I called my lawyer for the legal matters, I also called the Frauenhaus in her area (Women’s Shelter) para sila may matirhan temporarily habang wala pa siyang makitang appartment. I even called my best friend para siya masamahan at may masakyan.

I arranged and organized everything for her in just two days…kinakailangan niya na lang pumunta sa Bureau of Social Welfare so she can get some financial support. She asked or begged for my help and assistance kaya ko ginawa ang lahat para matupad ang kanyang hiling at kagustuhan. All she has to do was to grab the chance and opportunity if she really wanted to start anew. I no longer heard from her for almost 2 weeks. I thought she was just busy…but I was already thinking of calling her this weekend. But speaking of the devil, alas…she called me this morning, telling me: “oh Beng…I have a good news for you…we reconciled”. Natulala muna ako ng ilang saglit bago nakapagsalita. How would you react if you were in my shoes?Would you jump for joy? Knowing the fact that the guy is pedophile? Huh what a shit!!! Oh yes, she told me her reasons why she accepted the reconciliation approach of her husband. According to her, she is afraid that she and her daughter might be deported to Philippines if she is separated with her “bitter-half”. May ibang Pinay daw kasing nakapagsabi sa kanya na pauuwiin siya soonest aalis siya sa poder ng lalaki. Lalo na at tatlong taon pa lang siya dito at wala pang permanent resident permit. True! But her case is very different. This regulation has been made to prevent “sham marriages” in german ‘Scheinehe‘.

I know the rules and regulations here very well…she actually has the big chance to acquire visa without that monster. Pero mahirap kumbinsihin ang taong ayaw maniwala at walang tiwala. It’s her life, it’s her decision so she has to be ready for the coming consequences. I’m worried and I feel concerned about the child…but this woman’s only concern is their fucking visa.

If I were in her place…I’d rather risk loosing it and go back to where I came from, than risk the life of my only child. The child’s welfare is more important than anythingelse in this world!

Beng

Beng Hafner is my name. Well, most of you know that already. I am a mother of 3 and a granny of 3 cute kids. I am proud to be who I am and I am proud of the way I am. I am alive because I have a lot to live for. I have many dreams that I wish to reach for and I have many journeys to make. My life is like a soap opera, and you are the audience.

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17 Responses

  1. ting says:

    Uy, uy, yang puso mo mader! Pabayaan mo na lang. Minsan, mahirap magbigay ng payo lalo na kung magkakabalikan sila. Ikaw kasi ang magiging masama sa kanila pagkatapos.

  2. ting says:

    sus ginoo! kahirap magcomment dito. sabi ko, yang puso mo..sometimes it’s not worth giving advise to others, lalo na pag nagkabalikan sila. ikaw ang magiging masama later on.

  3. Beng says:

    Mader kumustamos? I was editing my entry behind tapos ikaw pala ay nag comment na dito sa harap :cheerful:

    Kailan ka lang nakabalik? O ano ang pasalubong kong Tikoy dala mo? :hug: djuk lang po yon. How was your vacation?

    Regarding my entry…oh well, nabuwisit talaga ako ng husto mommy dahil may batang kasangkot eh. I can’t help worrying about the child, na meet ko kasi ito personally. I know what you mean, pero di ko maiwasang mag react. Sigurado akong tatawag ulit yon kapag nabugbog na naman. Well, bahala na siya sa buhay niya…basta’t I did my part na..di ba?

    I miss you a lot Mutti…tuelily yan. :iloveu:

  4. Diane says:

    Ganyan talaga ang buhay… iniisip kong duwag lang talaga siya dahil ang daming risks if ever magkahiwalay sila. Mali ang desisyon niya, but I think give her time muna.

    Masakit nga lang isiping ang buhay ng bata ang nape-peligro dito. Kung ganoon lang talaga kadali dapat niyang isipin ang bata. Since pinili niyang mag-stay dun sa asawa niyang hayop eh at least sana ingatan niya ang anak niya at turuan na huwag lumapit dun sa asawa niya. Yun at least for now ang pwedeng gawin muna.

    At sana soon mauntog siya at isiping maling-mali ang desisyon niya.

  5. pinayhekmi says:

    If I were in your shoes I’d report the incident. Sometimes we need to be bigger than anything we have ever dreamed of becoming. Fuck our friendship, fuck relationships, fuck people’s opinions. A child may just be waiting for SOMEONE out there to make a difference in their life, to end the nightmares that the adults in their world who are supposed to take care of them inflict on them instead. This breaks my heart. I pray that the child gets the help she deserves.

  6. sha says:

    shit happens nga bengga… you did your best inday.. knowing you and G you would do anything for a child and friendship.

    anyway you have done her part she will call you soon when her head gets banged once again
    what about the child if they guy is paedophile?

    germany has laws on this matter… anyway easy lang.

    love to all lukaret family pati na rin kay kitty

  7. Beng says:

    Hello Diane,

    Para sa akin, siya ay isang taong walang bayag at walang paninindigan. At tama ka siya ay isang ring duwag!!! I hope magising siya bago may mangyaring masama.

    I already have a plan…a pity that its weekend, goverment offices are close. Kaya I have to wait til Monday.

    Btw, thank you so much for droppingby my dear. See you.

  8. Beng says:

    hi pinayhekmi,

    i fully understand what you mean. reporting the incident to “jugendamt” (youth welfare dept.) was the first thing that came to my mind after my phone conversation with the concerned pinay. i’m still excpecting she would call me back, hoping she would still change her mind. if she wont call me til sunday evening, sorry na lang sa kanya. i’m going to call the authority monday morning. things will get very complicated but i’ll take the risk.

    like you…its also breaking my heart and breaking my mind as well. i felt so uneasy i couldn’t wait til its monday…but i have to be patient.

    thank you so much for your words…it has given me strength.

  9. Beng says:

    day sha, thank you. i think this time i have to be merciless towards this pinay to consider the safety of the child. i’m giving her time to call me til sunday evening. kong hindi siya ulit tatawag sa akin. ako na mismo ang gagawa ng hakbang. like pinayhekmi said…fuck with the friendship. gerd is behind me kaya palagay ang loob ko na tatawag sa authority. this is a very serious case.

  10. pinayhekmi says:

    Beng I’m so glad to hear it! You know, not to offend your other commenters when they say you did all you could have done, or you did your best. I didn’t agree with them. The best thing to do when you think a child may be in dandger or being abused would be to help get them out of that situation. As easy as reporting it. That is all loving adult’s responsibility.

    God bless you. Here take my virtual hand. You are doing the right thing!

  11. Beng says:

    Thank you so much PinayHekmi. I highly appreciate your support. God bless you and your family too.

  12. tekya says:

    Ate Beng,
    I think reporting the matters to the proper authority was the right thing to do. Not that you’re meddling or anything, but because you’re a mother yourself! and if this kababayan will not protect her own, buh! she’s lucky to have a friend like you who cares.
    I pray that the child will always be protected.

    hugs ate beng :hug:

  13. Kiss My Mike says:

    I just wish walang mangyaring masama sa kanya and sa child nya. Some peopke are willing to risk everything for the wrong things.

  14. kars says:

    ang sa akin lang naman ate beng. sayang yong effort mo sa paghanap ng tulong sa government at yong pakisuyo sa ibang tao.

    sana naisip niya yon :thinking:

    PS. sayang di ko magamit yong themes mo. :-(kc, hindi pa pwede sa wordpress ang magchange ng themes na gawa ng iba.

  15. cheH says:

    ay ngengot ngengot naman ng babae na yan,thats mostly the results of ignorance,she feared of deportation bec. she is clueless of the law of the country she’s in to.Kapang init ulo noh benggay? meyron din kami sakit sa ulo d2 sa Munich,divorce sa german na asawa tapos nabuntis ng bagong boyfriend german din,ang problema hindi seryoso ang bf nya.Gusto na lang sana uwi ng pinas at doon manganak Susmio! I told her to stay and she should acquire socialhilfe and anyway,the authority will get that guy(her bf) sooner or later.hay, problema is everywhere nga ata! mainam naman dito sa pinay na to marunong pa naman gumamit ng utak kaysa jan sa case ng kakilala mo!

  16. HEI BENG,
    I HAD A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE BEFORE TOO. EWAN KO LANG KUNG INIISIP NIYA YUNG IKABUBUTI NG ANAK NIYA O IKABUBUTI NIYA. I THINK SHE DOESN’T KNOW HOW SERIOUS THIS IS.
    I HOPE SHE MAKES THE RIGHT DECISION.

  17. charles says:

    I think that she is either desperate or plainly stupid. There are tons and tons of possibilities. She just needs to tap them.

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