Flirting And Jealousy

Dear Beng,

How are you going to react if your husband flirt with your best friend often times? I can’t understand why my husband is doing this to me. I know he flirts a lot. When I ask him about it, he gets mad. He says I’m seeing things and that I’m crazy. He never admits to anything. All I get is lots of lies, not even an “I‘m sorry. I’ll never do that again.” But, for a marriage to work a wife needs to know she can count on her husband. Yet, because of his constant flirting, and making eyes at my friend I honestly don’t know if I can trust him. I can’t forgive or forget his flirting. I tell him how I’ve seen him look at her passionately, but he says he didn’t do it. But I was standing right there and watched until I just about got sick to my stomach! This hasn’t been resolved for almost 2 months. It’s been a very long stretch of hell and I’m sick and tired of it.

Anne H.

Hi Anne H.

I think flirting just breeds jealousy in the other partner. But let me tell you, flirting directed your husband to someone you know…that will set you on fire. I would be tempted to revert to my rebellious teen days, tatadyakan ko siya doon sa pinaka sensitive part of his body para niya madama kong anong kirot ang nararamdaman ko.

But seriously speaking many men have a hard time admitting that they might be wrong in any situation. It’s as if they fear that admitting that they made a mistake would label them as a mistake.

But, in marriage, honesty is still the best policy, especially about mistakes. Lies and deception can break up relationships quickly. And, if your husband continues to ignore you emotionally, and not tell the truth, you may indeed choose to leave in the future. But, your becoming preoccupied with his flirting behavior doesn’t help you at all. You may feel bad every time you catch him flirting with someone. You may blame yourself for the fact he’s being flirtatious. But that’s not reasonable or logical. If you do that, you’re letting his behavior affect your thoughts and feelings. In other words, it’s like you’re choosing to punish yourself.

Take care of yourself, rather than get upset about what he is doing. You can’t control him. You can only be in charge of yourself. Also, check out counseling services in your community. In my opinion, you don’t need marriage counseling, because right now, there’s not much marriage left to counsel. You need counseling for yourself. Build yourself up emotionally. Detach from being upset by his behaviors. Okay?