Flirting And Jealousy

Dear Beng,

How are you going to react if your husband flirt with your best friend often times? I can’t understand why my husband is doing this to me. I know he flirts a lot. When I ask him about it, he gets mad. He says I’m seeing things and that I’m crazy. He never admits to anything. All I get is lots of lies, not even an “I‘m sorry. I’ll never do that again.” But, for a marriage to work a wife needs to know she can count on her husband. Yet, because of his constant flirting, and making eyes at my friend I honestly don’t know if I can trust him. I can’t forgive or forget his flirting. I tell him how I’ve seen him look at her passionately, but he says he didn’t do it. But I was standing right there and watched until I just about got sick to my stomach! This hasn’t been resolved for almost 2 months. It’s been a very long stretch of hell and I’m sick and tired of it.

Anne H.

Hi Anne H.

I think flirting just breeds jealousy in the other partner. But let me tell you, flirting directed your husband to someone you know…that will set you on fire. I would be tempted to revert to my rebellious teen days, tatadyakan ko siya doon sa pinaka sensitive part of his body para niya madama kong anong kirot ang nararamdaman ko.

But seriously speaking many men have a hard time admitting that they might be wrong in any situation. It’s as if they fear that admitting that they made a mistake would label them as a mistake.

But, in marriage, honesty is still the best policy, especially about mistakes. Lies and deception can break up relationships quickly. And, if your husband continues to ignore you emotionally, and not tell the truth, you may indeed choose to leave in the future. But, your becoming preoccupied with his flirting behavior doesn’t help you at all. You may feel bad every time you catch him flirting with someone. You may blame yourself for the fact he’s being flirtatious. But that’s not reasonable or logical. If you do that, you’re letting his behavior affect your thoughts and feelings. In other words, it’s like you’re choosing to punish yourself.

Take care of yourself, rather than get upset about what he is doing. You can’t control him. You can only be in charge of yourself. Also, check out counseling services in your community. In my opinion, you don’t need marriage counseling, because right now, there’s not much marriage left to counsel. You need counseling for yourself. Build yourself up emotionally. Detach from being upset by his behaviors. Okay?

Beng

Beng Hafner is my name. Well, most of you know that already. I am a mother of 3 and a granny of 3 cute kids. I am proud to be who I am and I am proud of the way I am. I am alive because I have a lot to live for. I have many dreams that I wish to reach for and I have many journeys to make. My life is like a soap opera, and you are the audience.

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10 Responses

  1. Ting Aling says:

    Mukhang we’re dealing here with Mr. Casanova. ‘buti na lang simple lang ang asawa ko..(pasimpleng lumingon I mean, hehe..kung hindi dadagukan ko siya). Pero importante talaga ang trust ano? Ang tiyahin ko nga ilang beses na silang nag divorce ng kanyang asawa pero nagkakabalikan naman sila.

  2. bokbok says:

    hi beng, kung ako si Anne, I won’t let my husband spoil my life. I’ll leave him! Her husband behaves very immaturely. For me, it’s not enough that you love and respect your wife/husband. You must put love and respect into forms of speech and action. And obviously her husband seems to be incapable of this.

  3. bokbok says:

    hi beng! bakit ganoon?
    i posted a comment here (2 days ago, if i’m not mistaken) pero hindi nag-appear.

    ^_^ ‘musta ka na?

  4. Beng says:

    hello bok,
    sorry dear…i was so preoccupied with my upcoming travel thus i never got the chance to peep-in here days ago. haaay, alam mo naman ang role natin…

    re anne’s problem i am not so sure if i myself could deal such a problem well. magaling lang ako sa advice. like i said…kapag gagawin yan ng asawa ko sa akin, talagang tatadyakan ko siya sa “bayag”.

  5. Beng says:

    Mommy Ting,

    Korek ka dyan. We have to show them our tigress side kapag ganyan sila. My ex-hubby was like that at naging masahol pa later on. I just can’t understand why some if not many husbands are doing such things. A good friend of mine has told me that men are polygam by nature. I can never accept it, basta!

  6. sachiko says:

    When I saw the preview only, I thought it was you who was having a flirting husband..Sabi ko, oh,poor Beng..
    hahaha! You also have an ate helen portion? I might be sending you some “Dear beng” letters soon!

    Happy weekend!

  7. Beng says:

    i am tolerant at a certain point and well, alam ni mister na gagawin kong sushi ang kanyang kuwan kapag ako ay lulukohin niya 😉

    i had this advice column at my main site before and decided to move it here. parang na out of place kasi doon eh. hihihihi, game ako diyan sa “dear beng letters mo” kaya ipadala mo na.

  8. thess says:

    Deja vu…exact problem that I had with an ex bf, que nakaharap que nakatalikod-flirt talaga. But I agree with you Beng, the woman must take care of herself because no one else will.

  9. nina says:

    may dear ate charot din entry din pala dito 🙂 hehehehehhe
    .-= nina´s last blog ..Welcoming 2010 =-.

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