There are no adequate words to express the horror caused by the powerful tsunami that hit several Asian nations last Sunday, Dec. 26, 2004. We are shocked and saddened by the horrible events and want to extend our deepest sympathies to the families and friends of the victims.

“In this dark hour we grieve with them in their loss.”

Eine einundzwanzig jähriges Mädchen kam heute vor einundzwanzigjahren nach Deutschland. Mittlerweile ist Sie 42 Jahre alt geworden. Genau betrachtet hat sie bereits die hälfte ihres Lebens hier verbracht. 21 ist gewiss nur eine Zahl, ein symbol, klein und für manche Menschen vielleicht ohne Bedeutung.

Innerhalb diese Zeit habe ich viele Erfahrungen gesammelt, vieles erlebt und von allen dingen habe ich gelernt zu kämpfen. Das Leben war nicht immer einfach für mich gewesen. Es gab Zeiten wo ich nur noch aufgeben wollte. Ich war zu Feige, zu ängstlich und hatte nicht den Mut gehabt mein Schicksal selbst an die Hand zu nehmen. Lange habe ich in den Schlaf zustand gelebt weil ich dachte das Leben ist so, oder vielleicht habe ich auch nur versucht die unangenehme Dinge zu ignorieren. Tief in meinem inneren war ich unruhig und unzufrieden und irgendwann verwandelte ich mich zu ein Rebell. Leid und Schmerz adieu, so will ich nicht mehr Leben.

Manche Leute sagten mir ich habe viel zu lange gewartet daher auch
viel Zeit verloren. Ich sehe es anders. Ich habe eben Zeit gebraucht gehabt zu entwickeln. Eben wie ein cocoon.

1997 entschluss ich mich mein ganzes Leben zu verändern. Mein Schicksal führe ich nun selbst und nicht mehr umgekehrt. Ich habe mein Selbstbewusst und Selbstvertrauen wieder erlangen. Manchmal denke ich, hätte ich das früher gemacht wäre vielleicht mein Leben anders.

Einundzwanzig jahren…volle Spannung, begleitet von Heiterkeit und Traurigkeit, Erfolg und Fehltritt. Das Leben ist genau wie ein Achterbahn, es geht mal auf und mal ab und drei looping noch dazu.

Ich bin nun älter geworden aber reifer im Verstand und stärker. Die Zeit hat mich verändert. Nicht nur mein aussehen sondern auch mein lebens-und-persönliche Einstellungen.

O Tannenbaum (O Christmas Tree)! My husband and I were arguing if we’ll buy a real christmas tree (real fir tree) this year or use the artificial one I bought last year. I told him to decide for himself para hindi na hahaba ang diskusyon. So ayon, umalis kaagad siya para maghanap. After almost two hours, he arrived home empty handed. Puro daw pangit and some are: crooked - like the glöckner of Notre Dame (Hunchback of Notre Dame), tapos very thin daw ang twigs - siguro kasing payat ni Twiggy at super expensive pa kaya hindi na lang siya bumili. Okey then we both agreed to use the artificial tree na lang para tipid.

Traditionally, the Christmas tree is presented prior to the evening feast. The tree has a mysterious magic for the children because they are not allowed to see it until Christmas Eve. When the children are occupied with another room usually by their father, mother brings out the Christmas tree and decorates it with apples, candy, buts, cookies, cars, trains, angles, tinsel, family treasures and candles or light. The presents are placed under the tree. When all is ready, bell is rung as a signal for the children to enter the “Christmas Room”. Children sing carol, listen to Christmas story and open their gifts under the tree.

We used to follow the tradition of presenting the tree on Christmas eve before. For a change, I decided to make it different this time
dahil over excited na si KC na mag decorate. So I went to the basement para kuhain ang naging controversial na Christmas tree. Before we assembled it nagkandarapa muna akong maghanap ng mapapatungan. I have to consider we have a small boy who loves to pick on the decors and a kitten who is fond to climb everywhere. I have to place the tree on a high elevated area. I finally found one from my husband’s office pero ng ipinatong ko ito muntik ng mabakli ang dulo dahil it touched the ceiling. I had no other choice than to assemble it on the floor. Nayon kong ano-ano na ang inilagay kong halang para hindi makalapit ang pusa. But the kitten is more tricky than me, so wala din akong laban. Hinahabol ko na lang siya ng walis kapag siya ay lumalapit sa Christmas tree.

I went to the city yesterday para tapusin ang pamimili ng mga regalo. Akala ko dahil working day wala gaanong tao…what a shock, almost one hour din akong nag-ikot para lang makahanap ng parking space. Kahit saan ako pumunta puro siksikan. Kaya I headed home right away matapos kong bilhin lahat ang mga kailangan ko. Well, kahit papaano…I enjoyed being with the crowd. Walking through the shopping malls and along the street, it’s exciting to see people hustling in all directions. Each one of them carrying a shopping bag containing presents for their loveones. It awakens my childish feeling again.

So much for now blog dahil kailangan ko pang magluto ng aming lunch. Da da!

Hello earth I’m back! I’m very sorry talaga na nawala ako for a couple of days. I was not expecting to encounter several errors after I upgraded my blog. May mga plugins kasi na hindi compatible to the latest version like wp-grins and some other stuff. I did not overwrite the files which I modified earlier in the hope I could keep it’s former functions. Well, I was mistaken. I received many error warnings after running several test and my template was awfully messed up too. Went to WP forum to ask for assistance but they were not able to give me a helpful hint. Therefore I decided to start fixing it myself. Mabuti na lang kahit papaano na solved ko rin ang mga problema. I’ll be more careful next time if ever I’m going to upgrade again. Curiousity kills a rat! Hehehe, the rat is still alive pero muntik ng mabaliw ng tuluyan dahil sa konsumi.

Oh my I need some rest. I had little sleep the other night dahil hindi ko talaga ito tinigilan hanggat hindi ko natapos lahat. My new friend Mommy Ting Aling and Knoizki has given me the drive to work til I drop dead :) hinanap na kasi nila ako eh kaya ako nagmadali. Maraming salamat sa inyong dalawa, I miss you guys.

My site look messy at the moment most specially to those who are using IE browser. I have updated my blog to a newer version and this is now the result. I need time to locate the error trigger…yikes! Honestly, I regret I updated.

Hey self, nagger na nga ba ako lately? My hubby told me that. Kong tutuo man, sino ba ang hindi maging ganyan. Of course I have to keep on telling them what to do because they don’t know how to follow simple instruction. Masama bang sabihin na iligpit ang kanilang kalat? Or kailangang gumamit ng plato when they eat bread para walang mahulog na crumbs sa sahig? I just can’t stand dirt and most of all, I am not a maid na tega sunod ng kanilang dumi. Katatapos ko lang maglinis…makalat at madumi na naman. It seems like they don’t appreciate my effort. Buti sana kong maliit lang ang bahay na isang ikot ko lang tapos na agad. Nakakaloka!

Bilhan ko kaya sila ng tig-iisang manok as christmas present para may tega tuka ng kanilang ikinakalat na crumbs doon sa sahig. I can save my energy and electricity that way. Wala, hindi na yata matuto itong mga kasama ko sa bahay. Pagkakamali ko rin dahil wala akong sinasabi dati, ngayon pa lang ako magsimulang mag reklamo. Very elastic pa kasi ang patience ko noon kaya no comment lang ako.

Dapat pala sinabi ko na kaagad noon kong ano ang ayaw ko. Huli na ang lahat para matuto ang asawa ko at saka mahirap turuan ang mga taong matalino dahil sasagutin ka lang na alam na nila yon.

“Kaya Beng, magtiis ka!”

Kapag ganitong wala akong ginagawa, pumapasok sa isipan ko ang sari-saring bagay. At napapansin ko tuloy ang hindi ko dapat pansinin. Like when I look myself in the mirror, eyebag ko kaagad ang aking nakikita. Paano kasi, sila ay nagsilakihan na tapos yong tinatawag na laugh lines ay tuluyan ng naging wrinkles.

Sus, itinuloy ko na lang sana ang balak kong pagsali sa “The Swan” noon. Yong mga pangit na applicants na napili ay talaga namang gumanda afterwards. Tapos lumaki at naging firm na rin yong kanilang mala dried prunes na boobs. Yan pa naman ang pinaka dream ko, I have been dreaming to have a breast like a coconut. Pero hanggang dreaming na lang ako dahil sa laki ng takot ko na baka magkamali ang plastic surgeon. Aba patay, baka magmukha akong ganito.

Kaya mabuti pa huwag na lang, gagamit na lang ako ng push-up bra. Ahehehe, useless din pala dahil walang mai-push. Bili na lang kaya ako ng pads tapos doblihin ko para mas kita ang effect. Ayy, huwag na rin dahil baka matulad ako ng kaibigan kong nahulog yong pads na gamit niya doon sa supermarket noong nag grocery kami. Ang temang, ako pa ang inutusang damputin ito. Hindi ako pumayag noh, hindi rin niya nakuhang gawin ito so, hinayaan na lang niya.

Ay naku, mabuti pang tanggapin ko na lang ng maluwag sa dibdib ang lahat. Kakanta na lang ako Oh bakit ba ganyan ang buhay ng tao, may rong maganda, may pangit sa mundo. Kapararan, kong sumapit di… (Rico J.) kapanahunan ko yan ha, huwag pintasan.

Dear Beng,

Magpapasko na tapos ang malas ko pa. Wala na nga akong pera, nag-away pa kaming mag-asawa dahil sa Pilipinas. Ganito kasi ang nangyari. Regualr kami dating nagpapadala ng pera para sa magulang ko. Pero itinigil ito ng asawa ko mula noong magpatayo kami ng bahay. Naintindihan ko siya dahil malaki ang loan namin sa bangko. Hindi ko matiis na hindi matulungan ang pamilya ko sa atin, kaya nagsumikap akong magtrabaho kahit part time para may kaunting maiabot doon. Walang alam ang asawa ko na pinapadalhan ko pa rin sila. Ngayon na lang niya ako nabisto na tumutulong pa rin ako dahil pinadala sa akin ng aking bangko ang aking statement of account. Nagkataong bakasyon siya at ako naman ay wala sa bahay dahil hinatid ko ang aming anak sa Kindergarten ng dumating ang postman. Sa tingin ko may duda na siya dahil binuksan niya ang envelop. Sinita niya ako sa mga nakita niya at yon na nga grabe ang naging away namin. Kaya wala kaming imikan ngayon.

Lalong sumama ang loob ko ng mag text ang Kuya ko. Uutang daw siya ulit para pantubos ng lupa. Samantalang may utang pa siya sa akin noon para daw sa equity ng kanilang bagong bahay. Hanggang ngayon hindi niya pa ako nabayaran tapos manghiram na naman siya. Malaking tulong na ang nagawa ko sa kanilang magpamilya dahil ako ang nagpa-aral ng kanyang panganay. Alam mo, buwisit na buwisit na ako sa kalagayan ko. Gusto kong sabihin sa pamilya ko na hindi ko na sila kayang tulungan, pero nag-aalala ako dahil baka hindi nila ako maintindihan. Ayoko ng mag-away kaming mag-asawa dahil sa kanila. Hiyang-hiya na ako talaga. Anong masasabi mo bilang isang tega pagpayo ng bayan?

ms. luningning

Hi Ms. Luningning,

Ang cute naman ng name na napili mo ineng. Kasing cute ng alitaptap na kukutikutitap. Namputsa muntik na akong mapaluha sa sulat mo dahil damang-dama ko ang iyong kalungkutan. Pero kaikalangang iwasan kong maging emotional or otherwise mawawala ang aking pagka realistic.

Para sa akin, may kanya-kanya tayong prerogative regarding this matter and we cannot deny the fact that each one of us has different situation to consider. Culturally, we have a close-knit family. But it shouldnt be the excuse of some people to milk us for our hard-earned money. Hindi masama ang ginawa mong pagtulong sa kanila but then you should also put some limit orlese they will become abusive. Don’t teach them to be parasites my dear dahil ikaw din ang mahihirapan katulad ngayon. Papano kong ikaw naman ang mangangailangan ng tulong, do you think they can support you in return? Surely not! If you really want to solve your problem, then tell them honestly what’s bugging you. Make it clear to them na hindi ka dito nagtae ng pera or hindi ito basta lang pinupulot sa daan.
For your sake you have to learn to overcome your anxiety. Tell them to solve their financial problem without you lalo na sa Kuya mo. Alam mo it is better for you to help them retain some dignity in their lives.

Helping relatives should never be a burden. It should be a conscious and willing effort. I believe that it is important to know your priorities and learn to say no. You can help them whenever you can. But not to the point of living your life for them for you have your own life to live. Pasensiya na if I sound opinionated but that’s how it should be.

Truly yours,
Beng

First of all, I would like to thank “Pinoyblog” whole heartedly for featuring my site as blog of the week. My, my…you guys really caught me by surprise. Never I expect I would get such recognition since my blog content is really not that interesting at all when compared to others. That’s my own judgement, though medyo nagbago na ito ngayon ng konti (ahem). Kidding aside, what I want to say is that I gained a portion of confidence after reading the kind statement of Sassy - the Pinoyblog owner.

Again, maraming maraming salamat po sa inyong lahat. They way you describe my work truely touched my heart.

Long live Pinoyblog
Beng

I got a call from my daughter while I was at the city hall para magpagawa ng passport kay bunso. Nag-iiyak sa telepono at akala ko kong ano na ang nagyari. Sabi nasa bahay na daw siya, tanong ko naman: “Bakit ka umiiyak?” Sagot: “Saka ko na lang i-kuwento pag-uwi mo.” Bilang isang dakilang ina…minadali ko ang encharge na Aleng Suplada. Paano nakipag chikahan pa kasi sa telepono habang ako ay nag-aantay na parang tanga.

I rushed home, driving like crazy Schumacher (sana Lord hindi ako na radar orelse may ticket ulit ako due to overspeeding). So, I arrived home and asked KC what happened. Kinantiyawan na naman daw siya ng ka klase niya na siya daw ay si Liliput, tapos nagtawanan daw ang iba ng marinig ang sinabi ng bisogong yon.

I fully understand how my daughter feel. Kong bakit naman kasi sa akin niya namana ang height. Ako rin ang pinakamaliit noon and I also experienced the same thing. Kumbaga nga history repeats itself.
I adviced my daughter na lakasan niya ang kanyang loob at huwag ipakitang siya ay napikon or nasaktan. I told her to fight back if this boy will attack her next time. Reverse psychology lang ang gamot laban sa mga psychopathic. O di kaya gayahin niya ang ginawa ko dati when I was in high school. Inabangan ko yong kalaban kong kasing taas at payat ng kawayan one day, tapos saka ko binanatan. Hindi ako nakipagsuntukan ha…siya ay binato ko lamang ng mga itlog na bulok. Pagkatapos noon umiilag na sa akin ang damuho. Malakas lang kasi ang loob ng mga ito kapag may kaharap na ibang tao at kapag nakita nilang weak ang kinakalaban nila.

Naging masaya tuloy ang mukha ni anak matapos kong i-kuwento sa kanya ang aking tactic how to eliminate a giant alimango. See, ganun lang yon…bilang isang ina hindi lang proper upbringing ang dapat ituro sa anak kundi pati na rin kong paano lumaban na parang kanto girl. Hindi na uso si Maria Clara magmula ng sumulpot sa eksina si Gabriela Silang.

Kaya anak…pagsikapan mong ipaglaban ang ating lahi. Itaas ang bandera pati na ang pangong ilong!

I called the airline yesterday to inquire about the ticket I won last month. The condition they have written on the certificate was a bit confusing like for example “WE CAN MAKE RESERVATION FOR YOU IF THE BOOKING SITUATION ON THE FLIGHTS GIVES US THE POSSIBILITY TO BOOK YOU. PER FLIGHT THERE IS ONLY A LIMITED NUMBER OF SEATS FOR WINNER TICKETS.” In short, para pala ako nitong chance passenger. Tapos hindi rin ako pwedeng lumipad during embargo time. Ang labo naman…kailan ko pala ito pwedeng gamitin? Kaya napagpasyahan kong tawagan kahapon ang kanilang office para linawin ito. Well, it comes out na hindi naman pala ganon kahigpit like it was written on the certificate. The lady was even so kind and asked me right away kong kailan ko gustong lumipad. Tinanong ko muna kong magkano ang ticket para dito sa anak kong makulit. They charge € 335.00 + tax for a two years old child and € 60.00 if below that age. Gillian will turn 2 this coming Feb. 3 so naisipan kong itanong if there is an avalailable flight between January 25 - Feb. 2. Siyempre naman I have to grab the opportunity na makakamura. Para may additional pocket money ako na pang liwaliw doon. I have to wait for Mrs. Kailani’s return call today.

Dios meh…excited na ako. Ngayon pa man, iniisip ko na kong ano ang gagawin ko doon. Ha! When I arrive there…I have to call Philosophy immediately for an appointment. Want to have that complete wellness program I had last time for my body and soul relaxation (say). Then magpagawa ako ng black and white portrait kay Lito Sy (bago tuluyang malanta itong aking kapangitan). I also have to see Juliet Pamintuan (my couterier) para magpatahi ng gowns for the upcoming Galas here. Wanted to go to my favorite Sushi Bar din para kumain ng sangkatutak na Sushi. Ouch! Kailangan ko rin palang mag inquire if my hubby can possibly practise his profession doon bilang isang manggagamot. Saang department kaya ako pupunta? Yan ang dapat kong alamin. I called the embassy already regarding this matter but no hint. Anyway, I have 4 weeks time to accomplish this mission. Itong asawa ko nga naman, lagi akong binibigyan ng mission tuwing uwi ko.

Haay, bago ko ituloy itong aking mga panaginip kailangan ko pang umalis para magpagwa ng passport ni Gillian. Kaya…

Ciao na lang muna.

Dear Beng,

It’s me again Confused Gurl, I hope you still remember me. Umuwi ako sa atin kaya hindi kaagad ako nakapagpasalamat sa payo na naibigay mo sa akin. Umuwi ako para magkaroon ng peace of mind which I badly needed. Mahirap kasing mag decide kapag magulo ang isip. Now I’m back and I made up my mind. You said I should follow my heart, kaya ito…I decided to accept the marriage proposal of my boyfriend.

I was only surprised ng sabihin niya sa akin na kailangan daw naming magpagawa ng pre-nuptial agreement. At first I felt like being insulted dahil para bang wala siyang tiwala sa akin. He tried to explain to me his reasons, pero hindi ko pa rin maintindihan. Mahirap tanggapin sa aking kalooban na para siyang may duda sa akin. Ano ba ang dapat kong gagawin?

Confused Gurl

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